Charades: International Edition
by Gir-Rory
Summary: The Marauders and Lily start out hosting a game of charades, but end up hosting something else all together! Featuring a cast of some famous Tortallens, the Fellowship, and many more!
1. Episode 1: Where The Heck Are We?

**A/N**- _Hello? taps microphone Is this thing on? microphone squeaks  
loudly and television viewers cringe in pain Oops, sorry, guess it  
is. OK, before the show starts I just have a few things to say. No,  
I don't own any of the characters in this fic, except Rory, because  
she is my "imaginary friend". At least I think I so. sigh I  
confuse even myself at times. Oh yeah, I have a mortal fear of jail  
and all things related to it, so if there is anything else in here  
that I didn't say that I don't own, and I obviously don't own it,  
please don't sue me. Did you get all that? One last thing, by  
reading this fic, you will eventually be exposed to my, uh, oddness.  
You have been warned. Enjoy the show!_  
  
** Charades: International Edition  
  
EPISODE ONE:  
  
"Where the heck are we?" And people unknown.**  
  
Welcome to Charades: International Edition! Hosted by the Marauders! Now please welcome your hosts - _James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter walk onto stage looking very confused_  
  
**Remus-** _Looks around_ Why...? How...?  
  
**Sirius-** I dunno. _Has a bewildered look on his face_ Where the heck are we?  
  
**Peter-** Don't ask me. One minute we were studying in the Common Room, the next, poof, we were here.  
  
(**A/N-** We hate Peter! We hope the traitorous dog falls off a cliff! Yes we  
do! _Bows and blushes_ Thank you, thank you! You're too kind!)  
  
**Lily-** _Looks at James, who sitting on the floor_ Uh, what's with him? He's been doing that ever since I came over.  
  
**Peter-** Well, he's having a slight mental breakdown. Sirius was supposed to tell him you were studying with us...  
  
**All except Sirius-** _Turn towards Sirius_  
  
**Sirius-** _Smiles evilly_ Oops, must have...Slipped my mind.  
  
**James-** _Continues hugging knees, rocking back and forth, muttering_ Darn it. It's Lily, I'm gonna die, darn it.  
  
**Stage Hand (SH)-** _Runs onto stage and hands Remus a piece of paper_  
  
**Remus-** _Reads paper, then looks up and yells_ Wait, where are we?! _frowns when no answer comes and sighs_ Oh well. Um, I think we're hosting a show. Right. Uh, o.k., everybody, now it's time to welcome our guests from Tortall! _spotlight pans on a circle of stools with five figures on them, all of whom cringe when the spotlight hits them_ They are-  
  
Lady Knight Alanna of Pirates Swoop and Olau!  
  
Lord Sir Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak,  
Knight Commander of the King's Own!  
  
Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan!  
  
Sir Nealen of Queenscove!  
  
And  
  
Sergeant Domitan of Masbolle!  
  
**Neal-** Where are we?  
  
**Dom- **I dunno, Meathead. One minute I was fighting Scanrans, the next I was here.  
  
**Raoul-** _Points at marauders and Lily_ Hey, who are they?!  
  
**Kel-** Uh, people?  
  
**Raoul-** Well, thank you Captain Obvious!  
  
**Kel-** _Smiles_ You're welcome.  
  
**Raoul-** _Raises eyebrows and shrugs_ O.k... _turns to Lily and the marauders_ Well, who are you?  
  
**Remus-** I'm- _SH runs onto stage and hands Remus another piece of paper_ Will you please tell me where we are?! _no answer. sigh_ It was worth a try. reads paper More people? O.k. everybody! Please welcome our other guests from the Fellowship-  
  
(**A/N-** As Remus calls their name, each contestant walks onto the stage and  
sits on a stool, all looking, of course, very confused)  
  
Frodo Baggins, the former Ring bearer!  
  
Samwise Gamgee!  
  
Pippin Took!  
  
Merry Brandybuck!  
  
Elvin Prince Legolas Greenleaf!  
  
Aragorn, King of Gondor!  
  
Gimli, a Dwarf from the Lonely Mountain!  
  
And  
  
Gollum!  
  
**Frodo-** _Points at Gollum and falls off stool_ Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! But you're supposed to be dead!  
  
**Gollum-** Why doesn't Master trust Smeagol anymore?  
  
**Frodo-** You're not Smeagol, you're Gollum! And it's hard to trust something after it- _holds up hand with missing finger_ BITES YOUR FINGER OFF!  
****

**Sam-** Gollum wasn't part of the Fellowship, why's he here?  
  
**Gollum- **_Muttering to himself_ We wants revenge on the filthy hobbitses, oh yes... _looks up_ No! Whats we means is, uh, we be wanting to, um, see Master again.  
  
**Frodo- **_Cowers under stool_  
  
**Sam-** _Hides behind stool_  
  
**Gollum-** _Tries to look innocent_  
  
**Everyone else-** _Stare_  
  
**Crickets-** _Chirp_  
  
**Raoul-** _Spreads arms wide_ Who the heck are you people?!  
  
**Alanna-** Well, I'm Alanna, and that's Kel and Neal and-  
  
**Raoul-** I know that! _Points at everyone not from Tortall_ Who are they?!  
  
**Neal-** You don't know? _Rolls eyes_ And people say I'm out of it.  
  
**Dom-** S_creams and runs to Kel_ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Kel, the Meathead knows something!  
  
**Kel-** I'm scared!  
  
**Neal-** _Scowls_ It's so nice to have friends who support you. Oh, and my name is not Meathead!  
  
**Dom/Kel/Raoul/Alanna-** _In taunting, sing-songy voices_ Yes it i-is!  
  
**Neal _Sorry_ Meathead-** I hate you. Every single one of you.  
  
**Kel-** Oh, come on. You know you love us.  
  
**Meathead-** No, I bloody don't think I do.  
  
**Legolas-** _Mutters to Aragorn_ There's something wrong with them.

**Aragorn-** _Nods and stares, mouth open, at the Tortallens_  
  
**Remus-** Well, that's it for this episode. Will Raoul ever find out who we are? Will Neal get everyone to call him by his real name? Will we ever start the game? And does anyone know where we are? Find out next time!  
  
**Raoul-** _Falls to knees and looks at ceiling_ WHO THE HECK ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?


	2. Episode 2: All Is Not Safe In The World ...

**A/N**- _As I said before, I don't own any of these characters except  
Rory, who is my slightly stubborn, ill-tempered fic-friend (meaning  
she's not real, in case you didn't understand) and Gir, which, of  
course, is yours truly, the lovely (and slightly different, as my  
friends say) author. And just a heads up, I love tape. At least in  
the fic I love it. That will be all. Now on with the show!_  
  
** EPISODE TWO:  
**  
** All is not safe in the world of swords and tape.  
**  
**Remus**- Welcome back everyone! Since our last episode, Raoul finally figured out who we are, Neal got everyone to call him by his real name, Legolas and Aragorn still think they're all psycho, and Frodo and Sam are still hiding from Gollum.  
  
**Sirius**- And we still have no clue where we are.  
  
**Lily**- And James, well...  
  
**James**- _Still sitting on floor, muttering_ I'm gonna die, darn it, I'm gonna die.  
  
**Peter**- _Shakes head_ Sad.  
  
**Remus**- Well, let's start the show. _Turns to the contestants_ O.k., who knows what we're playing?  
  
**Contestants**- _Stare blankly_  
  
**Remus**- Oh-kee. Well, this is "Charades." Tell 'em the rules, Sirius.  
  
**Sirius**- _Takes deep breath_ No killing no decapitating no strangling no hitting people with bricks no drinking chocolate milk while riding a camel..._one hour later_ no blowing bubbles while riding a unicycle while reading a book and no talking when it's not you're. _pants like a dog_

**Peter**- That should cover it.

****

**Contestants**- _Stare even more blankly_  
  
**Lily**- We drew a name out of a hat before this episode started to see who would go first and it's-  
  
**Remus/Serius/Peter**- _Imitate drum roll_  
  
**Lily**- Frodo!  
  
**Legolas**- _In very whiny voice_ But I wanted to go first.  
  
**Lily**- _Shrugs_ If you guess what he is you'll be able to go next.  
  
**Legolas**- But-  
  
**Lily**- Zip-it. You're 3,000 years old, you should be able to wait 5 minutes for him to finish.  
  
**Legolas**- stares at floor  
  
**Sirius**- O.k. Frodo, you're up!  
  
**Frodo**- Gets up from behind stool and walks into the center of the circle. Then he, looking very confused at how to get his message across, spreads his arms wide  
  
**Legolas**- _Now staring at Frodo witb a maniac look in his eyes_ IT'S A PHRASE!!!  
  
**Gimli**- Mutters Crazy pointy-ear.  
  
**Frodo**- _Holds up one finger  
  
_**Legolas**- FIRST CLUE!!!  
  
**Frodo**- _Nods and mimics throwing something_  
  
**Legolas**- Yells at the top of his lungs THROW!!!  
  
**Frodo**- _Nods again and holds up two fingers_  
  
**Legolas**- Still screaming SECOND CLUE!!!  
  
**Frodo**- _Draws circle around his finger with another finger_  
  
**Sam**- Oh _smiles proudly_ throwing the Ring into Mount Doom!  
  
**Frodo**- _Points at Sam_ Yes! You're right!  
  
**Legolas**- _Growls and gets off stool_  
  
**Sam**- _Screams in terror as Legolas starts chasing him around the studio_  
  
**Neal**- Run little short dude! Run for your life!  
  
**Lily**- Now what? It was Sam's turn next.  
  
**James**- _Suddenly stops muttering and jumps up_ I know!  
  
**Lily**- What?  
  
**James**- _Talking to himself_ I'll go get her!  
  
**Raoul**- Who?  
  
**James**- I'll be right back _Poof! He disapperates_  
  
**Raoul**- Who's he getting?  
  
**Remus**- _Sighs_ He's getting his friend.  
  
**Sirius**- She's normal compared to him, but at times can be, uh, different.  
  
**Raoul**- WHO WHO WHO????  
  
**Kel**- Hehehe... You sound like an owl.  
  
**Sound that suddenly comes from center of the stage**- _Snap_  
  
**James**- Hey, look who I've got guys!  
  
**Remus**- _Cringes_ We see. Hello Rory.  
  
**Raoul**- Woohoo! I know her name! _Points at Rory_ Your name is Rory! Yeah, I'm good!  
  
**Rory**- _Looks apprehensively at Raoul_ Is he OK?  
  
**Alanna**- We're not sure yet.  
  
**Neal**- _Turns to Lily, Remus, Sirius, and Peter_ She doesn't seem that bad.  
  
**Peter**- _Sighs_ Just give her time.  
  
**James**- We're playing "Charades" Rory. Wanna play?  
  
**Rory**- Sure.  
  
**Merry**- Hey, who are you?  
  
**Rory**- I'm Gir's friend. _Smiles proudly_ I'm a witch. Or sorceress or mage or whatever other name you can think of.

**Lily**- Like psycho?

**Rory**- No, not that. Any name meaning I'm a witch.  
  
**Merry**- How did you meet James then?  
  
**Rory**- _Raises finger brightly, but then frowns_ I don't know. _Frowns_ Hey Gir, how did I become friends with James?  
  
**Gir**- _Walks onto stage_ I don't know. _Walks off stage while talking to self_ Note to self: Figure out answer to question.  
  
**Neal**- So, you said you were a sorceress. What can you do?  
  
**Rory**- Anything. You name it, I'll do it.  
  
**Kel**- Creepy. So does that mean you could make me fly around the set?  
  
**Rory**- Smiles smugly Yep. _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Kel**- _Flies around room and smashes into beam on ceiling and plummets to the ground_  
  
**Everyone**- _Cringe_  
  
**Rory**- Oops. Sorry. Guess I'm a little rusty.  
  
**Kel**- _Staggers to feet_ No problem. _Looks up and giggles feebly_ Hehe...Look at the pretty stars.  
  
**Rory**- _Looks around at others in room_ Funny. I never thought I'd be in a room full of my favorite fictional characters. Gir and I talk about you all the time.  
  
**Aragorn**- _Eyes narrow_ What do you mean.  
  
**Rory**- Well, you're all fictional characters. You're all fake. You're authors made you up.  
  
**Alanna**- _Growls and draws Lightning and starts chasing Rory around_ I'll show you fake!  
  
**Rory**- Wait! I need a sword! _Snaps fingers and holds out her hand. A sword appears in it_ OK. Now we can start!  
  
**Alanna**- Do you even know how to use that?  
  
**Rory**- I've read enough books on knights to know how. A little. I hope.  
  
**Alanna**- Ha! Well I'm the best swordsman in all of Tortall! See if you can beat me now! _Advances on Rory, teeth bared, growling menacingly_  
  
**Rory**- Uh-oh.  
  
**Alanna/Rory**- Sword fight  
  
**Rory's sword**- _Cracks in half_  
  
**Rory**- Uh-oh. I need another one! Gir, get out here!  
  
**Gir**- _Walks onto stage_ Sorry, I don't normally carry swords around in my pocket. But I do have some tape. Always remember this people, duct tape is like the force- it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together! Hehe...I love that quote!  
  
**Rory**- GIR! WILL YOU GET ME A SWORD!  
  
**Gir**- No.  
  
**Rory**- WHY NOT?!?  
  
**Gir**- Because you're yelling at me. Why don't you just summon one with your powers?  
  
**Rory**- BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW! _Runs across stage with Alanna close behind_ WHY DON'T YOU SUMMON ME ONE WITH YOUR POWERS?!?  
  
**Gir**- _Sniffs_ Because, sadly, I am but a muggle. _Sniffs again_ I don't have powers, so therefore I cannot summon your sword.  
  
**Rory**- _Starts to argue but stops_ OH, NEVER MIND!!! _Throws sword hilt at Alanna and runs_  
  
**Alanna**- _Chases Rory_  
  
**Raoul**- What's a muggle?  
  
**Gir**- Hey, do any of you like tape?  
  
**Dom**- I do!!!  
  
**Neal**- Do you even know what tape is?  
  
**Dom**- Be quiet, Meathead. I'll find out soon.  
  
**Neal**- MY NAME IS NOT MEATHEAD!!! How do you like it if you don't know what it is?  
  
**Dom**- _Shrugs_ It has a cool name.  
  
**Neal**- _Shakes head_  
  
**Dom/Gir**- _Talk about tape_  
  
**Remus**- Hey Gir, can you tell me where we are?  
  
**Gir**- _Growls_ No. Now leave me alone. I'm talking with Dom.  
  
**Raoul**- Somebody tell me what a "muggle" is! Please!  
  
**Rory**- _Runs past camera_ Ahhhhh!!!  
  
**Alanna**- _Closely follows waving sword around wildly_ DIE YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!  
  
**Rory**- I'm not little! I'm taller than you!  
  
**Alanna**- Taller yes, but you have puny muscles!  
  
**Rory**- Hey, I'm pretty strong!  
  
**Alanna**- But not as strong as me!  
  
**Kel**- Just a word of advice, Rory. Now is not a good time to taunt her!  
  
**Rory**- _Runs even faster as Alanna picks up speed_ Yeah, I guessed that!  
  
**Raoul**- _Talking disjointedly with absent-minded look on face_ What...Is...A...Muggle?  
  
**Sirius**- Now what?  
  
**Peter**- I don't know.  
  
**James**- Yeah, we lost Dom and Gir to tape and that lady is trying to kill my friend.  
  
**Lily**- Well, at least you're not totally oblivious of everything that's going on now, James.  
  
**James**- That's a plus.  
  
**Remus**- We might as well end the show. _Turns to camera and audience_ We're done for today, folks. Tune in next week to find out the answers to many questions like: Where are we? Will Rory live until next week? Is James actually acting sane? Why does Gir have an obsession with tape and why did she have to drag Dom into it? Where did Legolas and Sam get to anyways? Is Gollum gone too? Will we ever finish the game? _Mutters_ I highly doubt it. Well, see you next week! I have to go tell Raoul what a muggle is!  
  
**Raoul**- Yes! Please do!


	3. Wars, Explosions, and Maniac Mages

**A/N**- _No, much to my dismay I still do not own any of the characters in this story except Rory and Gir (you know who we are) or the song "Man I Feel Like A Woman!" by Shania Twain. Oh, and thanks for the reviews! Now, leave me alone, Dom and I are talking about tape. To quote Monty Python (no, I don't own that either): "And now for something completely different..."_  
  
**EPISODE THREE: **

**Wars, Explosions, and Maniac Mages.**  
  
**Remus**- Welcome back, everyone! Luckily for Rory, Alanna grew tired of chasing her around and settled on, uh... _looks at Rory, who is hanging from the ceiling rafters_  
  
**Rory**- GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!  
  
**Alanna**- _In taunting voice_ Not until you ask nicely!  
  
**Rory**- _Growls_ Alright! Will you please get me down from here?  
  
**Alanna**- I don't feel like it now. Ask me later.  
  
**Rory**- _Face turns red with rage_ GRRAHHHHHHHHR!!!  
  
**Remus**- _Raises eyebrows and inches away from Rory_ Okee... Um, well, Gir and Dom are still in tape mode; they are now having a heated discussion-  
  
**Lily**- Actually, it's more like full-out war.  
  
**Remus**- Right. So they're waging war against each other about whether duct tape is better than electrical tape. Gir is, obviously, on the side of duct tape, judging by her favorite quote. I don't know how Dom even knows what electrical tape is, but he's on that side.  
  
**Neal**- She told my dear, pathetic cousin about every kind of tape there is. He fell in love with electrical tape for some reason.  
  
**Remus**- That explains a lot. Oh yeah, since last time, we still have no clue where we are, Raoul knows what muggles are, Legolas and Sam still haven't shown up, and I doubt we'll ever get the game finished, but we'll have to wait till later to find that one out.  
  
**James**- Can I cut Rory down now?  
  
**Alanna**- Not yet.  
  
**James**- _Shrugs_ O.k.  
  
**Rory**- _Glares at everyone_  
  
**SH**- _Runs onto stage and, once again, hands Remus a piece of paper_  
  
**Remus**- WHERE ARE WE!!!! _No answer_ Oh, whatever. I give up. _Reads paper_ WHAT?!? SOMEONE ELSE?!? Oh, what the heck. I give up anyway... Hey everybody! Please welcome our NEXT guest: Jack Sparrow!  
  
**Jack**- Captain! It's Captain, Jack Sparrow.  
  
**Remus**- _Has slightly psychotic look on face_ Welcome to the show!  
  
**Jack _sorry_ Captain** **Jack**- And what exactly is this show?  
  
**Remus**- I honestly don't know anymore. We have crazy girls hanging from the ceiling, our author is too busy talking about tape to care about anything else, no one will play the game, we've lost two of the contestants, and we STILL don't know where we are! _Starts laughing like a maniac and then runs into a wall, knocking himself out_  
  
**Captain Jack**- _Looks at Lily_ Uh, Love, will he be alright?  
  
**Lily**- _Looks at Remus_ Oh, yeah, he'll be fine, don't worry.  
  
**Rory**- Will SOMEONE get me down from here?!?  
  
**James**- Uh, Alanna? Can I get her down now?  
  
**Alanna**- Fine. But only if she promises to be nice from now on.  
  
**Rory**- _Sigh_ I promise.  
  
**James**- _Points wand at ropes tying Rory up and they unravel_  
  
**Rory**- _Falls to ground_ Ow...  
  
**Remus**- _Sits on ground talking to himself_  
  
**Dom**- Raoul! Which do you think is better, duct tape or electrical tape?  
  
**Raoul**- What's tape?  
  
**Dom**- Oh, never mind.  
  
**Raoul**- What is it?  
  
**Frodo**- Hey, where's Gollum?  
  
**Gir**- _Has Dom in a headlock_ I sent him home.  
  
**Frodo**- Why?  
  
**Gir**- He threatened to burn my tape.  
  
**Frodo**- _Nods_ Oh, o.k.  
  
**Sirius**- _Turns to Jack_ So Jack, welcome to "Charades: International Edition". Oh, and don't mind Remus over there, he's having a bit of a mental breakdown because he doesn't know what's going on.

**All-** _Look at Remus_

**Remus**- _Wrestles with a folding lawn chair_

**Kel**- He should join the club.  
  
**Raoul/Merry/Pippin/Neal/Aragorn/Gimli**- _All nod fervently in agreement_  
  
**Peter**- _Sighs_ Don't feel bad. I don't know what's going on either.  
  
**Lily**- Hey Jack, why'd'ya call me "Love"?  
  
**Jack**- Oh, it's nothing personal, Love. I call everyone that.  
  
**James**- Everyone? _Makes scared face_ That's just not right.  
  
**Jack**- No, not everyone! Only the lasses! You can't be that thick!  
  
**Lily**- Oh, don't doubt him.  
  
**Remus**- _Wakes up and saunters over to the little group_ Hey everyone, guess what! I found out where we are!  
  
**Peter**- Are you serious?  
  
**Remus**- _Giggles and points at Sirius_ No, actually he's Sirius. I'm Remus- _Points to each person as he says their name_ and this is James, and Lily and-  
  
**Peter**- I know who everyone is! Where are we?!?  
  
**Remus**- I don't know. Why do you ask?  
  
**Peter**- _Slaps forehead_  
  
**Jack**- _Mumbles to Lily_ I thought you said he was o.k.  
  
**Lily**- _Shrugs_ I was wrong.  
  
**Jack**- Well, shouldn't we do something?  
  
**Lily**- No. He'll snap out of it eventually. I think...  
  
**Raoul**- What's electrical tape?  
  
**Kel**- I dunno. You're supposed to be the smart one.  
  
**Neal**- Yeah Sir, what is with you lately?  
  
**Raoul**- _Grumbles_ Things here are so confusing. _Dom: Has come back from war. Pats Raoul's shoulder_ I know sir, but you have to learn to deal with things that confuse you. I think. I'm confusing myself.  
  
**Raoul**- Looks at Dom incredulously Why did I ever promote you to bloody sergeant?  
  
**Dom**- Hey! This place confuses me just as much as you!  
  
**Raoul**- _Skeptically_ Right.  
  
**Merry**- Hey Dom, who won the tape war?  
  
**Gir**- _Hobbles over on crutches_ Take a wild guess, why don't ya!  
  
**Raoul**- _In amazement_ You broke her leg and her arm?!? Now I know why I promoted you to sergeant!  
  
**Neal**- Go Dom!  
  
**Gir**- _Growls_ I would hurt you both if I could move better.  
  
**Dom**- _Ignores Gir_ Thank you, Meathead! Thank you Raoul!  
  
**Gir**- Hey, I had him in a pretty good headlock for a while!  
  
**Dom**- _Grins smugly_ Until I hit her over the head and pushed her down the stairs.  
  
**Gir**- _Mumbles_ I still think hitting someone with a brick should be an illegal move...  
  
**Gimli**- How did he win? I didn't think he even knew what this tape nonsense was...  
  
**Dom/Gir**- _Eyes narrow_  
  
**Dom**- "Tape nonsense"? Is that what you called it? And why so skeptical that I could win?  
  
**Gir**- GET HIM!!!!  
  
**Gimli**- _Runs_  
  
**Dom**- _Chases him yelling savagely_ RRAAAAAHHHHHRRR!!!!  
  
**Gir**- _Trips over crutches as she tries to chase Gimli_ Ow... _Gets up and hobbles after them_ Wait for me!  
  
**Everyone else presently on stage**- _Watch scene with raised eyebrows and odd expressions on their faces as the three whiz, or in Gir's case limp, around the corner_  
  
**Gir**- _Crashes into a stack of boxes in the back of the stage_ AH, MY ARM!  
  
**Peter**- _Winces and shakes head_  
  
**Alanna**- Hey, where did Rory go?  
  
**James**- Why do you care?  
  
**Alanna**- Something is going to happen, I can feel it. _Eyes narrow_ And she's behind it, I know it.  
  
**Kel**- Alanna, you're paranoid. I mean, really-  
  
(**A/N**- Suddenly an ear-splitting explosion knocks all the people on the stage over. As they pick themselves up, they see two figures in the clearing smoke. They are Rory and Remus.)  
  
**Rory**- MOOWHAHAHAHA! _Yells to Remus with maniac smile on her face as she points to the others on the stage from their seats in the newly acquired audience seats_ NOW REMUS! DO IT NOW!!!  
  
**Remus**- _With an equally maniac expression on his face, he draws his wand and yells something strange. Suddenly, the stage is decorated in pink with flowers everywhere_  
  
**Raoul/Neal/Dom**- _Walk stiffly onto stage as if against their will_  
  
**Neal**- What's going on? Why's the stage all pretty and pink? What- _Suddenly he stops and his head droops_  
  
**Dom**- Meathead? _Pokes Neal_ Hey Neal, are you o- _Dom stops next to Neal and his head lolls to one side_  
  
**Raoul**- Guys? _Peers quizzically at Dom and Neal. Then he stops and his head falls onto his shoulder_  
  
**Rory/Remus**- _Snort in amusement in front row_  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Raoul/Neal/Dom**- _Form triangle with Neal and Dom side by side in back and Raoul in front of them. Then the spotlight pans on Raoul_  
  
**Raoul**- _Starts singing in an oddly high-pitched voice_  
  
**_I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright  
_**  
**_Gonna let it all hang out  
  
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice  
  
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout  
  
No inhibitions-make no conditions  
  
Get a little outta line  
  
I ain't gonna act politically correct  
  
I only wanna have a good time  
_**  
**Neal/Dom**- _Start dancing in time with the music and singing in equally odd, high-pitched voices_  
  
_**The best thing about being a woman  
  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...  
**_  
**Rory/Remus**- _laugh hysterically in front row_  
  
_**Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
**_  
_**Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
  
Man! I feel like a woman!  
**_  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers. Suddenly the three guys are wearing tight, sequiny hot pink belly shirts and hot pink mini-skirts, complete with matching hot pink platform sandals- Lace up hot pink platform sandals_  
  
_**The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take  
  
The chance to get out on the town  
  
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance  
  
We're gonna let our hair hang down  
**_  
**Remus**- _Waves his wand. Now the guys have waist-length hair_  
  
_**The best thing about being a woman  
  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...  
  
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
**_  
_**Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
  
Man! I feel like a woman!  
**_  
**Rory/Remus**- _Are now crying because they are laughing so hard_  
  
_**The best thing about being a woman  
  
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...  
  
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady  
  
Men's shirts-short skirts  
  
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style  
  
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction  
  
Color my hair-do what I dare  
  
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel  
  
Man! I feel like a woman!  
  
I get totally crazy  
  
Can you feel it  
  
Come, come, come on baby  
  
I feel like a woman  
**_  
(**A/N**- At this last line, Raoul jumps into the air and lands lying across Neal and Dom's outstretched arms.)  
  
**Rory**- _Manages to snap fingers as she and Remus roll on the ground laughing_  
  
**Raoul/Neal/Dom**- _Suddenly become aware of what they are doing again_  
  
**Neal/Dom**- _Drop Raoul onto floor_  
  
**Raoul**- _Notices his clothing as he gets up_ Ahhh!!! What the heck am I wearing!  
  
**Neal**- _Notices his clothing too_ What the heck happened?!?  
  
**Dom**- _Notices their hair_ Our hair! It's really long!  
  
**Neal**- Moaning These clothes don't feel right.  
  
**Raoul**- _Points to Rory and Remus, who have by this time calmed down_ You did this! Come on guys, let's get 'em!  
  
**Remus**- Careful. Those clothes aren't the worst we can do. _Grins evilly_  
  
**Raoul/Neal/Dom**- _Stop walking_  
  
**Raoul**- _Grumbles_ Oh, never mind. Let's just go backstage. _He, Neal, and Dom exit stage, stumbling on their platform sandals_  
  
**Neal**- _From off stage a crash is heard with Neal's voice following_ OW!!! MY ANKLE!!!  
  
**Raoul/Dom**- AHHH!!! _Trip over Neal_  
  
**Rory/Remus**- _Snicker_  
  
**Rory**- Alanna, Kel, Gir! You're up!  
  
**Alanna/Kel/Gir**- _Walk onto stage_  
  
**Gir**- RORY! _Tries to speak calmly_ What the heck are you doing?!?  
  
**Rory**- _Gestures at herself and Remus_ YOU drove us crazy!  
  
**Remus**- And now you must pay!  
  
**Rory/Remus**- Moowahahaha!!!!!  
  
**Alanna**- Rory! I'm gonna get you, you little brat! _Her hands glow with purple fire_ You're gonna-  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Alanna/Kel/Gir**- _Heads droop as the background changes to that of a martial arts studio_  
  
**Rory**- Remus, would you like to do the honors?  
  
**Remus**- Certainly _Waves wand_  
  
**Alanna/Kel/Gir**- _Are suddenly wearing martial arts robes. They bow to each other, Rory and Remus, and the audience_  
  
**Alanna**- _Picks up piece of two-by-four_  
  
**Kel**- _Bows to Alanna and with a yell, breaks the wood with her forehead, then bows again_  
  
**Crew/Newly Acquired Audience (NAA)/Cast excluding Rory and Remus and everyone not currently in control of their actions (CERARAENCICOTA)**- _Cringe_  
  
**Alanna**- _Stands in center of stage and bows, then stands on one foot in "karate pose"_ HOO-WAH! _Starts doing incredibly difficult karate kicks and punches on an invisible foe. Finishes and bows to a cheering audience_  
  
**Gir**- _Hobbles onto stage on crutches and tries to bow. She then tries to pick up a cinder block one handed and drops it, creating a large pile of brick remains on the floor. So she shrugs and gets another brick, managing to get it to the stand. And then, much to everyone's amazement, breaks the brick with her forehead. She bows and starts to walk off the stage, but promptly trips over Raoul, Dom, and Neal, who are lying on the ground, all unable to walk because of the platform sandals, which have seemingly bonded permanently with their feet_  
  
**Crew/NAA/CERARAENCICOTA**- _Cringe. Again_  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Alanna/Kel/Gir**- _Become aware of what they are doing_  
  
**Kel**- Ow...My head... _Rubs head where she used it to break the wood_  
  
**Gir**- _Trying in vain to reach crutches_ Can't – reach – crutches. Can't – get – up...  
  
**Alanna/Kel**- _Start to walk towards Rory and Remus_  
  
**Remus**- _Raises wand, an evil grin spreading across his face_  
  
**Rory**- _Raises hand, ready to snap her fingers, grinning like a maniac_  
  
**Alanna/Kel**- _Stop dead in their tracks, eyes wide_  
  
**Alanna**- On second thought... _She and Kel run off stage, trip and, of course, land in the pile-up now forming on the edge of the stage entrance_  
  
**Remus**- _In a sing-songy voice_ Oh James, Sirius, and Peter!  
  
**James/Sirius/Peter**- _Walk onto stage, wands out_  
  
**James**- Now Remus, you don't really want to do this, do you?  
  
**Remus**- Yes.  
  
**Sirius**- Aw, heck. _Clears throat_ LET'S GET 'EM!!!!  
  
**Remus**- _Sighs and flicks wand_  
  
**Raoul**- _From off stage_ HIT THE DECK!!!  
  
(**A/N**- The blast made by Remus's spell was so powerful it knocked out Phil the Camera Guy, as well as half the cast and crew, thus making it impossible to continue. So, until next episode, this is the author, signing off!)


	4. Is This A Bloody Talent Show Or Charade...

**A/N**- _Nope, still don't own anyone other than Gir and Rory and the All Mighty and Powerful Pile-Up Of Doom. I don't own Mary, BrittyWeasly, or Shelly as well. They're owned by aliens. I mean, they're owned by themselves. Smiles nervously as the three glare at her I don't own the Noodle Dance, which is in fact owned by the show "PB&J Otter" on the Disney Channel (which I don't own) either. Well, on with the show!  
_  
**EPISODE FOUR:  
  
Is This a Bloody Talent Show or "Charades"?!?**  
  
(**A/N**- The setting is the same stage seen in the previous episode. James, Sirius, and Peter are standing in the center of the stage. Yes, Rory and Remus still have complete reign over the show because the show's producers aren't smart enough to realize what could result from having them in charge. _Sigh_ Well, let's see what this episode has in store for us. Enjoy!)  
  
**Rory/Remus**- _Snicker_  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers. Suddenly, James, Sirius and Peter are wearing hot pink sparkly leotards_  
  
**Crew/NAA/Rory/Remus/Cast in control of their actions (CICOTA)**- _Snicker and snort_  
  
**Remus**- _Waves wand. The floor is covered with mats_  
  
**Sirius/Peter**- _Move to side of stage_  
  
**James**- _Takes place at the end of one of the mats. Then he starts a selection of amazing and highly difficult back handsprings, spins, and no- handed flips. He finishes in a gymnastics stance_  
  
**Crew/NAA/CERARAENCICOTA**- Oooo...Ahhhh...  
  
**James**- _Cartwheels off stage, only to, of course, crash into the pile-up_  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers while giggling_  
  
**Uneven Bars**- _Appear in center of stage_  
  
**Sirius**- _Walks to the uneven bars. He swings onto them and does an amazing job flipping and spinning until he slips and flies off the stage into the...you guessed it! Pile-up!_  
  
**Crew/NAA/CERARAENCICOTA**- _Cringe_  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers again_  
  
**Uneven Bars**- _Disappear while a balance beam takes its place_  
  
**Peter**- _Vaults onto balance beam and begins an amazing show of jumps, spins, flips, and rolls. He jumps off to finish the act, but lands on the springboard, and catapults himself onto the pile of people_  
  
**Crew/NAA/CERARAENCICOTA**- _Cringe once again_  
  
**Remus**- _Waves wand. James, Sirius, and Peter can control their actions again_  
  
(**A/N**- They're all squirming around, talking in quick succession.)  
  
**Sirius**- Oh jeez! What the heck are we wearing?!  
  
**Peter**- I think someone is sitting on my head!  
  
**Raoul**- That would be me. Now who's on my head?  
  
**James**- Sorry!  
  
**Kel**- Someone's on my arm!  
  
**Alanna**- Oops!  
  
**Gir**- Still - can't - reach - crutches...  
  
**Neal**- _muffled_ Dom, ge'roff my fashe!  
  
**Dom**- Can it, Meathead!  
  
**Jack**- _Saunters over_ Hello everyone! And what might you be doing down there?  
  
**People In Pile-Up**- _Growl and pull Jack into the pile_  
  
**Jack**- Anybody have any rum?  
  
**Kel**- Hey, I signed up for "Charades", not a talent show!  
  
**Alanna**- Me too!  
  
**Neal**- _Still muffled_ Me free!  
  
**Sirius**- Do you bloody think I wanted to host this?!? OW! THAT'S MY BLOODY LEG!!!  
  
**Jack**- Doesn't anybody have any rum?  
  
**People In Pile-Up**- _All in unison_ NO!!!  
  
**Remus**- Though we are greatly enjoying hearing you all bicker...  
  
**Rory**- Bring on the others! _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Aragorn/Frodo/Legolas/Sam**- _Walk onto stage_  
  
**James**- Hey look! Sam and Legolas are back!  
  
**Remus**- _Waves wand. The stage is now decorated like a wrestling ring_  
  
**Aragorn/Frodo**- _Walk into ring_  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Aragorn/Frodo**- Start wrestling  
  
(**A/N**- 2.486 seconds later...)  
  
**Aragorn**- _Wins by throwing Frodo into the (du-nu-du-nu-du-nu-du-nu) All Mighty and Powerful Pile-Up Of Doom!!! Of course, Aragorn trips leaving the ring and lands in the pile-up himself (what, you didn't honestly think I'd let him get away, did you?)_  
  
**Crew/NAA/CERARAENCICOTA**- _Cringe_  
  
(**A/N**- To save a lot of time, let's just say that Legolas and Sam met the same fate, but Sam did a better job fending Legolas off than Frodo did fending off Aragorn. Sam grabbed Legolas's leg and bit it, but that also led to his downfall, because then Legolas shook his leg to dislodge the hobbit, and Sam flew and landed in the you-know-what. Legolas then gracefully left the ring and was almost clear of the pile when its inhabitants decided that if they had to be stuck in there, so did he, and so James grabbed the elf's long, luxurious, well combed blond hair and yanked him in, too)  
  
**Rory**- _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Legolas**- Darnit, I'm in the pile!  
  
**Frodo**- Me too!  
  
**Sam**- Hi everyone!  
  
**Aragorn**- Where did you chase Sam, Legolas?  
  
**Legolas**- Mount Doom and back.  
  
**People In Pile-Up**- _Nod_ Oh.  
  
**Legolas**- _Feels hair_ AHHHH!!! A KNOT!!!  
  
**Kel**- _Sarcastically_ Oh, horror upon horrors!  
  
**Rory/Remus**- _Are consulting a checklist_  
  
**Rory**- O.k., so we've had Neal, Dom, and Raoul... _Checks off names_  
  
**Remus**- ...And Alanna, Kel, and Gir... _Checks off more names_  
  
**Rory**- ...Then there was James, Sirius, and Peter...  
  
**Remus**- ...Can't forget Aragorn, Frodo, Legolas, and Sam...  
  
**Rory**- _Finishes checking off names_ So we're still missing Gimli, Lily, Merry, Pippin, and Jack.  
  
**Jack**- _From offstage_ CAPTAIN!!! It's captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
**Remus**- Right. Whatever.  
  
**Rory**- So what should we do?  
  
**Remus**- Let's do the "Noodle Dance"!  
  
**Rory**- _Raises eyebrow_ The what?  
  
**Remus**- It's a dance to help you think of ideas!  
  
**Rory**- _Stares at him with raised eyebrows_ You've gone bloody wacko.  
  
**Remus**- I know! So have you! CUE MUSIC!!!  
  
**Rory**- _Thinks over this logic as the music starts playing. She is, in fact, wacko too. She throws her arms over her head_ What the heck. _Dances like maniac_  
  
**Remus**- _Dances like a sugar-high toucan trying to do the Macarena but failing miserably_  
  
**People In Pile-Up/NAA/Crew**- _Stare_  
  
**Rory**- _Stops dancing abruptly_ I'VE GOT IT!!!  
  
**Music**- _Stops with sound of a record scratching_  
  
**Remus**- _Falls over_ What is it?!?  
  
**Rory**- _Has the maniac gleam back in her eyes as she snaps her fingers and-_  
  
**Show**- _Turns off_  
  
**Male announcer on television**- We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for this special report- 'SPAM: Friend or Foe.' Here's Cath-  
  
**BrittyWeasly**- _Turns off television_  
  
**Shelly**- And it was just getting good too.  
  
**Mary**- How did Gir get on television? I'm gonna have to hurt her later.  
  
**BrittyWeasly**- That's nothing new. You trying to hurt her, I mean. Especially when she has- _Does finger quotes_ -"The Ring".  
  
**Shelly**- Besides, Gir doesn't need your help getting hurt. Dom's done that already.  
  
**BrittyWeasly**- And she's a klutz.  
  
**Shelly/Mary**- _Nod in agreement_  
  
**Mary**- But I wanna be on TV too.  
  
**BrittyWeasly**- So do I!  
  
**Shelly**- Then let's go!  
  
**Mary/BrittyWeasly**- O.k.!  
  
**Mary**- Wait, where are they?  
  
**Voice**- Don't ask me.  
  
**BrittyWeasly/Shelly/Mary**- _Cower in fear_  
  
**Shelly**- Who's that?  
  
**Voice**- It's Raoul.  
  
**Mary**- How can we hear you?  
  
**Raoul**- I don't know. But I always get the last speaking line in each episode.  
  
**BrittyWeasly/Shelly/Mary**- _Nod_ Oh, o.k.  
  
**Raoul**- Time to go. See ya next time folks! _To himself-_Hehehehe... I still get the last line... MOOHAHA- _coughcough_ -HAHA! 


	5. Episode 5: The End? Or Is It?

**A/N**- _Nothing has changed. I still don't own anything except Gir, Rory, the Almighty and Powerful Pile-Up of Doom, the SPAM, producer, executive producer, and the PEMEBRRToP. I don't own the makeup, either. That is my cousin's, considering the fact that I'd rather roll in the mud than wear makeup. I don't own the man-eating bunny rabbit, either, which actually belongs to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". No evil man-eating bunnies were harmed in the filming of this show. Many apologies to BrittyWeasley for spelling her name wrong in chapter four! Sorry about that and thanks for helping me think up ideas when I get writher's block! Thanks to tamora- obsession-272, Random Person number 3, Kalie Mae, clanKorval, Shelly, BrittyWeasley, Amanduriel, and Dei for reviewing. Now, bring on the madness!!!  
_  
**EPISODE FIVE:  
  
The End? Or Is It?**  
  
**Rory**- SPAM? _Throws arms out to her sides_ They interrupted our show for a special report on SPAM? _Sighs_ Whatever. _Snaps fingers_  
  
**Merry/Pippin/Gimli/Lily**- _Walk stiffly onto stage, which now resembles a field. They still have complete control of their movements_  
  
**Jack**- _Has somehow escaped from the Almighty and Powerful Pile-Up of Doom and is now joining the others on the stage-field_  
  
**Bunny Rabbit**- _Stands in a non-sinister way in the field, chewing on a carrot_  
  
**Lily**- _Motions at the field and rabbit as she looks at Rory and Remus_ What's this supposed to be?  
  
**Rory**- It's an evil bunny rabbit. It'll tear you limb from limb.  
  
**"Evil" Bunny Rabbit**- _Continues chewing on the carrot_  
  
**Everyone**- _Stare at Rory_  
  
**Crickets**- _Chirp_  
  
**Rory**- _Looks indignant_ Well it is!  
  
**Merry**- Yeah right. Look at it, it's just a cute little bunny.  
  
**Jack**- But just in case...  
  
**Gimli**- Go check, Pippin.  
  
**Pippin**- _Walks over to rabbit and sticks his hand out for it to sniff_ See guys, it's harmless! It's just a cute little-  
  
**"Cute" Bunny Rabbit**- _Bites Pippin's hand. Hard_  
  
**Cast/Crew/NAA**- _Gasp_  
  
**Pippin**- AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _Yanks his hand out of the rabbit's mouth and runs_ RUN AWAY!!!!! RUN AWAY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Jack/Merry/Gimli/Lily**- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _Run around stage following Pippin_  
  
**Evil Bunny Rabbit**- _Chases them_  
  
**Pippin/Jack/Merry/Gimli/Lily**- _Run past camera screeching at the tops of their lungs_ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Remus**- I am thoroughly enjoying this.  
  
**Rory**- _Nods in agreement_  
  
**People in Pile-Up**- _Scream as the group, with the bunny trailing them, barrels towards them_ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Pippin/Jack/Merry/Gimli/Lily**- _Dive into pile-up_  
  
(**A/N**- Moowahahahaha! Now I've got them too!!!)  
  
**Evil Bunny Rabbit**- _Hops into pile-up_  
  
**People in Pile-Up**-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!! _Try to run away and then remember that they are stuck together_ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Crew/NAA**- _Cringe, for, what, the fiftieth time in this story?_  
  
**Rory/Remus**- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- _Fall onto the floor laughing_ -HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
**Evil Bunny Rabbit**- _Bites everyone_  
  
**Neal**- _Still muffled_ OWSH, MY WEG!!!  
  
**Gir**- Must – reach – crutches! Must – escape!!!

**Sam**- AHHHH!!! It's biting my head!

**Alanna**- Where's Faithful when you need him?!? He could eat this psycho rabbit!  
  
**Faithful**- _Appears_ Here I am- AHHHHHHH!  
  
**Evil Bunny Rabbit**- _Bites Faithful_  
  
**Faithful**- Help! Help!  
  
**James**- Did that cat just talk?!?  
  
**Evil Bunny Rabbit**- _Now attacks Sirius_  
  
**Sirius**- I don't care if it bloody _flew_, someone get this rabbit off of me!!!  
  
**Peter**- I never thought I'd end like this!  
  
**Dom**- Me neither! I mean, being killed by other soldiers is one thing, but a bunny rabbit?!?  
  
**Kel**- Help! Someone! Anyone! HEELLLLP!!!!  
  
**Rory/Remus**- _Laugh hysterically_  
  
**Producer**- _Is sitting in a nice, safe control room_ Maybe we should do something...  
  
**Executive Producer**- _Rolls eyes_ Ya think?!?  
  
**Producer**- _Sighs_ Send in the Professional Evil Man-Eating Bunny Rabbit Removal Team of Professionals!!!  
  
**Professional Evil Man-Eating Bunny Rabbit Removal Team of Professionals(PEMEBRRToP)**- _Run onto stage and dive into pile-up. They are dressed in special white suits equipped with special equipment for the removal of man- eating bunnies_  
  
**People in Pile-Up**- AHHHHHH!!!! SPACE MEN!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
**Professional 1 of PEMEBRRToP**- _Gets out of the Almighty and Powerful Pile- Up of Doom holding "The Bunny"_ We've got "The Bunny".  
  
**Lily**- Who _are_ you? Are you space men?  
  
**Professional 2 of PEMEBRRToP**- No ma'am. We're professionals.  
  
**James**- Of _what_?  
  
**Professional 3 of PEMEBRRToP**- The removal of evil man-eating bunny rabbits.  
  
**Neal**- _Still muffled_ What wiw ya do wiv "Da Buwwy" now?  
  
**Professional 4 of PEMEBRRToP**- _What?_  
  
**Gir**- He wants to know what you'll do with "The Bunny" now?  
  
**Professional 4 of PEMEBRRToP**- Oh, o.k. Well, now we shall release him back into his original home.  
  
**People in Pile-Up**- _All nod_ Oh.  
  
**Professional 5 of PEMEBRRToP**- So long, everyone!  
  
**PEMEBRRToP**- _Run off stage with "The Bunny"_  
  
**James**- Well, at least that's over.  
  
**Legolas**- Now what?  
  
**James**- I don't know.  
  
**Alanna**- I have an idea. _Whispers her idea to everyone in the pile-up_ O.k., James'll disarm Remus while I bind Rory's hands. Then, when I give the signal, we'll attack. O.k.?  
  
**People in Pile-Up**- Nod in agreement  
  
**Rory**- It's awful quiet over there...  
  
**Remus**- What are they up to?  
  
**James**- _Yanks out his wand and points it at Remus_ EXPELLIARMUS!!!  
  
**Remus's Wand**- _Flies out of Remus's hand_

**Remus**- _Looks at his now-empty hand_ Huh?  
  
**James**- _Catches the wand_ HAHAHAHA!!!  
  
**Rory**- _Raises hand to snap fingers, but can't. Purple fire has wound it's way around her hands, binding them together_  
  
**Alanna**- Haha, Rory! _Raises her fist_ ATTACK!!!!  
  
**Rory/Remus**-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**People in Pile-Up**- _Have somehow untangled themselves from each other and are now charging at the two mages_  
  
**Rory/Remus**-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Gir**- _Is now sitting on Rory_ GET THE MAKEUP!!!!!  
  
**Everyone Formerly In The Pile-Up (EFITPU)**- YEAH!!!!!  
  
**Rory**- NO!!!  
  
**Remus**- NOT THE MAKEUP!!!  
  
**Rory**- Please, not that!!!  
  
**Remus**- You're a girl! What do you care?!?  
  
**Rory**- Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I like makeup!!!!  
  
(**EFITPU)**- _Are now chanting_ MAKEUP! MAKEUP! MAKEUP!  
  
**Sirius**- _Shoots ropes at Rory and Remus out of his wand_  
  
**Rory/Remus**- _Struggle against the ropes as the group advances on them holding the dreaded makeup_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Raoul**- OH YES!!!! _Is holding pink eye shadow_ See ya later, people! We have some makeovers to do!!! MOOWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!


	6. Episode 6: New Arrivals

**A/N**- _Unfortunately, I do not own anyone or anything other than Gir, Rory, Phil, and the   
  
camera. Basically, anything or anyone you don't recognize is mine. That should cover it.   
  
Now, on with the show!!!_  
  
**EPISODE SIX: **

**New Arrivals**  
  
**Gir**- _Her casts have magically disappeared_ Let's poke 'em with sticks and see what they   
  
do!

**Rory**- _Is hanging from the ceiling wearing a frilly purple dress and make- up_ You do,   
  
and I'll, I'll...

**Gir**- _Smiles evilly_ You'll what?

**Rory**- _Scowls_ Be quiet.

**Remus**- _Is hanging next to Rory, clad in a similar fashion, only his frilly dress is neon   
  
pink_ I hate you all.

**James**- _In a mock-hurt voice-_ Remus, you hurt me.

**Remus**- Good. Now get me down.

**Jack**- Do you have any rum?

**Remus**- _Raises eyebrows_ No.

**Jack**- Then you're staying up there.

**Alanna**- Bring out the sticks!

(**A/N**- Five minutes later-)

**Remus**- _Sigh_ Just keep poking us.

**Rory**- Yeah, maybe we'll do a trick.

**Raoul**- That is the idea.

**Everyone**- _Keep poking Rory and Remus_

**Kel**- _Exasperated-_ This isn't working.   
  
**Neal**- Now what do we do?

**Sirius**- I know! Let's play "Charades"!

**Everyone**- _Gasp_

**Peter**- _Slaps his forehead_ Now why didn't I think of that?!

**Rory**- Can we play, please?  
  
**Remus**- Yeah, we aren't crazy anymore. We're back to our normal, sane selves. _Glances at   
  
Rory_ Well, she's back to normal, anyways.

**Rory**- So right! _Glares at Remus, realizing what he said_ Hey, wait a minute...

**Gir**- Oh, alright. _Snaps fingers_

**Rory/Remus**- _Fall to ground_ Ow...

**Everyone**- _Gape at Gir_

**Gir**- What? What'd I do?

**Dom**- You can do magic?

**Gir**- No.

**Faithful**- Yes you can.

**Everyone**- _Stare at Faithful_

**James**- I knew it! It did talk!

**Gir**- I can do magic? _Snaps fingers. Everyone cringes as a coat hanger flies across the room and smashes into the wall_ I can do magic! _Snaps fingers again_

**Merry/Pippin/Gimli/Frodo/Sam**- _Disappear_

**Everyone**- _Gasp_

**Rory**- Gir, what did you do with them?!

**Gir**- I sent them home.

**James**- Why?

**Gir**- They were-

**People**- _Suddenly crash through the door_

**Aragorn**- Who are they?

**Gir**- Shelly, Britty, Mary? How did you get here?

**BrittyWeasley**- I don't know.

**Remus**- _Eagerly-_ Do you know where we are?

**Shelly**- No.

**Remus**- Oh. _Looks at the floor, eyes downcast_

**Mary**- _Points at Gir_ Why didn't you tell us you were going to be on TV?

**Gir**- I didn't know I was going to be on TV.

**Mary**- _Narrows eyes_ A likely story.

**BrittyWeasley/Shelly/Gir**- Uh-oh.

**Shelly**- Run for it, Gir!

**Mary**- _Chases Gir_ Raahhhhr!

**Gir**- _Runs_ Ahhhh!!!

**BrittyWeasley**- _Grabs Shelly's arm and points at everyone_ Look! It's them!

**Marauders/Lily/Tortallens/Aragorn/Legolas**- _In unison-_ Who?

**BrittyWeasley/Shelly**- _Stare at them, drooling_

**Rory**- Hahaha!!!

**James**- What's so funny, Rory?

**Rory**- Do you know what "Rabid Fan-Girls" are?

**Marauders/Lily/Tortallens/Aragorn/Legolas**- No.

**Rory**- _Grins_ Well, you're about to find out.

**BrittyWeasley/Shelly**- _Reach in front of them and yell in unison_ WE LOVE YOU!!!   
  
_Start chasing the Marauders, Lily, Tortallens, Aragorn, and Legolas_

**Gir**- AHHHHH!!!! _Runs past camera_

**Mary**- I'm gonna get you, Gir!!! _Runs past camera, closely trailing Gir_

**Rory**- _Grins_

**BrittyWeasley/Shelly**- COME BACK!!! _Chase the famous characters_

**Marauders/Lily/Tortallens/Aragorn/Legolas**- AHHHHHH!!!!

**Rory**- _Sighs as everyone runs around her_ I love chaos.

**Gir/Mary/BrittyWeasley/Shelly/Marauders/Lily/Tortallens/Aragorn/Legolas**- _Run   
  
towards camera_

**Phil the Camera Guy**- AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! _Attempts to run, but is too slow, and the   
  
massive group collides with him and the camera, knocking them to the ground like giant   
  
game of bowling played with seventeen balls and two pins_

**Camera**- _Is lying on the floor with a cracked lens, showing various groaning people_

**Rory**- _From off camera_ HAHAHAHA!!! See ya next time folks! Hopefully by then   
  
everyone will be off the floor and Phil will have healed enough to continue filming!   
  
HAHAHAHA!!! Now that was entertainment!

**Everyone Else**- _Groan_

**Raoul**- _Rolls over on the floor and hits his head on the camera_ Ow...


End file.
